Ricockulous!
by Hardly Here
Summary: Double feature: "Mizz," featuring The Miz/Alex Riley and "Spanky," featuring Brian Kendrick/Taker. Uncharacteristic perviness for the amusement of all.


**Sorry, wrote this after a fourteen hour day on a few hours sleep. But you know, it was promised XD and NOW I'm going to bed :P**

"**Kendrick adopted the ring name Spanky, a nickname he was given due to his method of staying awake during long drives on the indy circuit." - Wikipedia**

**Today's double feature was brought to you by the FFFF.**

**X**

**Mizz.**

Mike rolled his shopping trolley through the supermarket, humming faintly to himself. He lived alone now, and so his trolley was fully of the general bachelor's fare, easy-to-cook steak and mac and cheese. Food for a real man.

To be honest he wasn't really thinking of love; he had settled in to his old life with relative ease after the breakup. When he rolled into the checkout then, his eyes widened in shock. There, behind the counter...

Alex. Alex Riley, in all his gorgeous glory was there, flashing his lovely smile at the shoppers and wishing them a happy day.

That smile

That FACE.

That... body.

"Cash or credit?" asked Alex mildly.

He saw an Alex Riley and he

MIZZED

In his pants.

X

**Spanky.**

Brian stumbled backstage, dropping his head instinctively so that his hair would hide his face. He would have fallen over had he not slumped against the wall, allowing the cool cement to soothe his burning skin. He hadn't slept all night, knowing this was going to be his first... real...

No, well it wasn't his first time in a WWE ring.

First time with the Undertaker, though.

A five minute call somewhere in the distance brought him back to reality, and he sighed heavily.

"That last ride hurt you any, son? I was pretty thorough."

Brian's heart was suddenly beating a lot faster; he panicked and then shook his head somewhat over-emphatically at the big man in front of him.

"You sure?" Mark's eyebrows drew together into a frown.

The furious head shaking turned to nodding, so much so that the little man looked like a bobble-head doll. That earnest, innocent look on his face made it all the more adorable, too.

"Well, that was certainly one helluva debut they cooked up for you," said Mark, placing the tip of his finger on Brian's nose.

"Let's hope they liked it, 'cos I'm interested in what you can give us."

Brian shivered at the touch, dropping his gaze shyly.

"Don't be like that boy, it was a compliment." Mark chuckled and tilted Brian's chin upwards. A goofy, lopsided grin shone out from his features. It brought a strangely warm feeling to the pit of his stomach, and he knew he had to leave before anyone caught the Deadman dishing out mushy feelings.

"Well, off to your locker room and get out of that ridiculous costume." Mark smirked, turned on his heel and left.

"How'd it go?"

Brian sighed as he removed that bellhop's hat, rubbing at where the elastic had cut into his skin. Paul just snickered at how ridiculous he looked. He had managed to get him backstage with relative ease, and now the two of them were hanging around in the locker room.

"Fine."

Awkward silence.

"so, uh... you coming out?"

"Not tonight, Paul."

"Aw c'mon Bri, I don't wanna have to drive you back_ then_ go out!"

Then don't!" snapped Brian, stuffing his things into his bag. Paul snorted.

"It's so hard to take you seriously when you're angry." Said Paul with a grin, ruffling his friend's hair. Brian gave a small whine of annoyance and ducked away.

"Fuck you."

"Suit yourself." Paul twirled his car keys on his finger, "don't come crying to me though when you're walking _all the way_ _back_ to the hotel, and it's late, and there's no-one in the back seat to give you a good spanking."

"Would you shut up about that?" sighed Brian, "Okay, it was weird but dammit it worked!"

"Last chance."

"Fuck off, I just wanna be alone tonight!"

"And alone you will be," sang Paul, exiting with a flourish.

_That's all the thanks I get for getting you backstage goddamnit_

Brian swung his gym bag onto his shoulder with a huff, but regretted it immediately when he felt the twinge in his back. He shoulda gotten some ice for that. Oh well. The bag seemed heavier than he remembered, too.

The adrenaline rush was wearing off, and walking back to the hotel was a nightmare. Damn this fucking city for having so many hills. And for being so cold. He gritted his teeth as he went up yet another stupid slope, his breath coming out in puffs of air in front of him. He was dimly aware by now that he was being followed; there was a black rental car following just on the fringes of his vision. Brian gave an irritated grunt of swung the bag onto his other shoulder, which turned out to be another mistake since his back protested with a sharp bolt of pain. His knees gave out for a second, and he had to lean momentarily against the window of a small deli to regain his footing.

The car pulled up, a window rolled down.

"Need some help there, kid?"

Oh god, there it was again. Adrenaline rush.

"M-m-mark?"

"Yuh –yuh-yes. You need a ride, son ?"

Brian shook his head emphatically. Didn't need the deadman himself thinking he was weak or anything. Mark simply chuckled at him, the goofy kid with the forced half-grin, so tired he was more or less swaying on the spot.

"Just get in the car."

They drove for ages, far longer than it would have taken to get back to the hotel. Brian was beginning to get suspicious; old warning his mother had given him regarding strangers and cars crept into his mind.

"Where are we going?" he whispered timidly.

"Oh, nowhere in particular. Just testing a theory."

Brian cocked an eyebrow, and Mark had to burst out laughing.

"Dammit kid, you're too cute. And don't bother pulling your angry pouty face on me either, 'cos that's cute as well."

Blink. Confusion.

"Sir? Could... could you let me out now?"

Now it was Mark's turn to grin, though his eyes sparkled with a mischievousness not found in the younger man.

"Now now, don't be like that. I just wanted to see if it was true."

"true what?"

"If it was true... what you used to do to stay awake during long car trips."

Brian's eyes widened in terror.

"H-how did you..."

"It's okay, I personally think it's a novel idea."

"Really?" Wow, Mark was fairly certain the interior of the car had physically lit up from the intensity of the little man's grin.

"Really. Actually I was wondering... you seem a little tired tonight too..."


End file.
